Tatting in movies and mad skills.

SO this morning my kids were asking me for pumpkin head... i have no clue about this but i know theirs is NOT MY understaning of pumpkin head...So i thought that they might be in a haloween type of mood...So i put on the cartoon sleepy hollow...the adventures of Ichabod and mr. toad, Anthony noticed something very weird...enter in....TATTING!!!!!!!!

So weird though... its not listed under Tuesday!?

I also wanted to share a video of my oldest (Azriel) cutting an apple.
The situation...:
2 apples...
3 kids wanting apples...

Enter in my son...with his amazing problem solving skills. Without being told he goes to the kitchen and grabs a butter knife. (also being safe) he starts cutting (in his hand...not so safe) and my daughters reaction to getting only a half of an apple. And my super hot security guard boyfriend...(hey i'm trying here)... also its night so it means that my camera looks super crappy...enjoy!



Also later tonight (after the kids go to bed) i have a video addressing the "shoelace trick"

Me, Me, Me...I,I,I

in the spirit of Halloween i broke out my walmart Halloween shirt...the neck was really uncomfortable and so i cut... a little too much...but its ok...its just for the house so doesn't matter all that much.

as you also see, i am quite...big... but some good news... Thursday i found out i lost 11 pounds since my last appointment... which was three months ago...it may seem a little but a little is a lot better than gaining. Sometimes i don't like my weight, but when i am feeling feisty... like today... i love me. All my life I hadn't been twig thin... i don't aspire to be thin at all. I would love to be around 230 pounds... i think that would be a good weight for me. I would still be fat but small enough to not be completely condemned by society..lol. its really not that bad...but people make assumptions. For example...my nurse. she is a really really nice woman. She has been weighing me for the last four years... this time when she announced my weight she says OH you lost 11 pounds...what have you been doing... my answer...eating more!. And i have been. usually i don't eat until the later part of the day and usually its just dinner. But i have been comforting myself and saying "pluck this" just not really caring what i have been eating...apparently my body likes that... but she was so surprised that the answer was eating more, because people think that fat people plain just eat too much... they don't realize that a lot of fat people don't eat nearly as much as they think...also the case with my mom...for years i saw her barely eat (where i get it) and when she started eating more she started loosing weight. people just didn't believe it... but i think that i will continue to do this... just try not to over do it...or else i am going backwards...right? lol.

here is my basil...it sure is perty!












and finally my niece-y-poo....Miracle...or simply Mira... I miss her too much. as you see she is just too cuddly. I can't wait for Halloween...my sister and her small family is coming over... so fliggin excited...

onwards and upwards!

ok. so i am in the mood for some sharing....tatting sharing and kid sharing...first up is my tatted necklace. it was made from the merry-go-round edging out of one of my tatting books. I am not sure of the thread, but the closure is a snap closure...i also used on on my green bracelet...below...

this is the green bracelet. it was tatted with i believe knit cro-sheen or something like that... but yeah it is this pattern. but i believe you need to be a member of NSAN to access it. i like it a lot...a lot a lot.

this is my work that i did on the bus today...i hate, i hate the motif... everything was giving me a problem...but there that pattern is again...told you i love it.
then this is my wonderful family. planting their bean plants...and my basil...shown below...so excited... i am growing something that i am actually going to use... bizarre.
see my baby basil!

on to bragging...my little weirdo... ATREYU. he has been acting so...so....weird lately...to think of it all my kids are acting weird... Anavay and Azriel are being ultra clingy... it makes me feel as if they feel as they are going to loose me. that makes me sad...but i am ultra happy at all of the hugs and kisses. because i know in a small time they are going to not want to hug their mommy...so i am lapping it up right not.
this is my little artist... Az. see how proud of his sun he is...i love all of his drawings...
and Anavay...looking so darn cute! i cannot wait for her to stop being so ooooo cute. some times it makes me angry...because she tries to use it when shes in trouble...ok so thats the end of my blog today...i am so happy that i am in a better mood...cause that was just...annoying being that sad.

sorry 'bout this...

I have been feeling a bit trampled on...a bit lonely...i don't particularly know why either, which is annoying, so i am annoyed also.

I miss my sister and i really miss...a lot of things. Right now, for the last few years i have not been talking to my mom. Now there is a quite a lot with that, so i dare not try to stick it here. The short version is...i moved out with my sons into a very small apartment, i tried to keep my kids in contact with my mom under the condition that she didn't have ANY thing of bad sorts in their reach. it was agreed upon and visits ensued. On one of these visits i found pot plants growing on the ground of one of the closets, needless to say visits stopped. I told my mom that there would be no more visits over there, as she violated my trust and security, not to mention putting my kids at risk of getting a hold of that. so i said that if she wanted to visit them, then she would have to come over to my apartment, sober and without any kind of drugs or tools for drugs...needless to say (if you follow along) i found that crap in her backpack on the floor...where my kids were crawling...i told her that she needs to clean up her act or no more visits...

she threatened to call CPS (child protective services) on me. That was it, the straw that got the shake thrown away. i hadn't talked to her since, she hasn't seen my kids and that was a long time ago.

And yes that is the short story. The point of all this is that i was talking to my sister tonight and crying to myself because i missed her and my niece and my mom so darn bad. Of course i don't really tell her how badly i miss my mom, because that is a weakness and there is no way i am being weak for my kids, and myself...did you know that this person... my mom... offered me drugs when i was 10 years old...10! how can i say sure mom...how about you offer my kids that... i don't think so.

All these parents out there who do drugs...serious bad drugs....how do they call themselves parents. Isn't it our job to make sure our kids are safe...or as safe as we can manage? Isn't it... then why are these parents raising their kids in meth houses, and offering drugs.? Like my niece... if she lived with me or was over often and i knew she was going to have to eat...i surely wouldn't go buy drugs when there is no food in the house.

ANYWAY...what i was trying to say is i have been through the ringer with my mom. and i get off the phone with my sister...fragile. And my grama calls. it is always a battle with her but i try not to let things get angry... but tonight i was just too darn sad. She started in on how i need to make up with my mom and i am wrong and this is exactly how her daughter treated her....blank blank blank...needless to say, crying and arguing on the phone is not conveying a strong nor mature person.

it just really astonished me on how she knows her daughter and knows what she went through with her...and then knows what happened between us, my whole life, and still say i am wrong. Now being completely honest, i know that the silent treatment isn't going to make her change her ways, its not even going to get her to see things through my eyes, but what it does, is to make things easier on me. I don't have to look at her and cry because she looks close to death over overdosing, i don't have to give her money for food and KNOW it is being used for drugs. I don't have to explain to my kids why grama skipped out on them. There is a whole bunch of things that i don't have to do, a ton of heartbreak i don't have to go through...

my grama doesn't understand how badly i wish that she could be half the person she was off of drugs. she doesn't know how badly it hurts my physical being, not being able to hug my mom for YEARS. but the fact of the matter is, its better this way. It is and it will be. So i got into an argument with her... it makes me really sad because she is the only other person in my family that i talk to, besides my sister...now i only have my sister. I feel so...angry. Why does she choose to turn a blind eye to this after all this time. Why does she just call to push my mom on me. Why do people try to upset you. Just why. I don't know...And to top it, i didn't even get the chance to tell her my boys should be starting preschool soon...bummer.

WOWWY WOWWY WOWWY!

I have been just running and running and running and getting stuff into order and now almost everything is...my kids are now enrolled in preschool. I am just so terrified and ecstatic and happy and stressed... i have been barely tatting and responding to anything tatting....but OH no...found a knitting project... so on to knitting for a bit..maybe i will put some tatting on them...

TV, so far all my shows that i normally like are all not that great.... the show that i wasn't expecting to be intriguing is just that. who woulda known?

wowwy i am so tired of cooking....so tired...and then the dishes....i hate dishes so bad...ok...well ending on a positive note here....i am alive and i am so thankful for myself as well as my family..i think i need to look at what i am thankful for, more often... a lot of people should...it makes me happy thinking of all the ways i am happy, instead of all the ways i am miserable.

ok. as promised

they finally finished uploading.
they are just simple patterns. most of them are intuition. if something doesn't fit then add a couple more DS.
i don't really care what you guys do with these... just don't claim them as your own. ok?
any way they are a hand drawn...sorry if they are not all that great but i don't know how to use those drawing programs...ok so here are the pictures






so if clicking on the picture doesn't work then here's the links.

TRIPLE RING (SIMPLY SAM)

JUST A TURTLE

TARGET PRACTICE

HANGING TURTLE

EYEBALL

hope this works...first time for everything y'all

Magic Thread trick...

ok so i was feeling a bit 90's ponytail all to the side, tatted earrings... i thought i was so cute...and then them... i thought i would have a little fun with them and i had picked up some temp Halloween hair color...bright red. I think that ana looked real cute with the red... i was a bit messy but it was fun. Now is it me or does azriel kinda look like the oldest on Tool Time...i forget his name.

Now onto some tatting...My first Queen of hearts by Mary Konior... i kinda love it...


Next is a scan of my doing Jon Yusoff's snowflake ring thingy... I like her's better.

and then this is a "Priscilla square" necklace... needle tatted...horrible... will look tons better in shuttle...
Now for today's...long needed lesson. Magic thread Trick.

First off i don't know who first did this...all i know is that it is very useful.
The thing really to know about this is three things...

1. use the looped thread going toward which ever end you want to hide.

2. at all times have the looped thread follow the shuttle thread

3. and the MOST IMPORTANT... leave the last 1/2 stitch of the last stitch normal...Do not have the looped thread follow all the way to the end...otherwise it will unravel to where you started the magic thread trick.

So i made a video for it...now here's the video...


ok its taking forever to the files to upload that i am trying to put on here so...probably later tonight. but in the mean time Gray's Anatomy is on... so night night

also one more thing... if you are curious about slow cooking... go check out my favorite website of right now A YEAR OF SLOW COOKING
the chick has good taste.

A little of this...a little of that

I just wanted to drop in and update about a little bit of everything. First off. I am currently tatting Mary Koniors queen of hearts... picture soon. secondly. boy oh boy. a friend said i should enroll my two boys in preschool. i am so scared and nervous....there is so much to do, scared scared scared.

A little bit of good news...i think i might knit for a while... i don't know. i feel just sooo...blah! which is a shame because its so pretty outside..I was thinking about doing this pattern 10 STITCH BLANKET
There I am committed to it...i opened the pdf...lol

So funny though...Caillou is about Halloween today...(god i hate that show...the kids love it though) I wonder what i am going to make my kids... i really kinda don't want to go trick or treating this year...so. oh yeah for the time being i stopped trying to potty train Anavay. Honestly right now, neither of us are going to succeed at this. I am too stressed about stuff to be as patient as she needs. I think I will try again next week. It sucks about trying to potty train her because i can't take her out any where, tons of laundry from her and a ton of cleaning the floors. But she does like going on the big potty with the little potty seat. She just glows when she goes potty...glows i tell you.

Oh and i should be getting three of my books in the mail today.. UBER EXCITED

as time goes by

Have you ever reflected on your past life... odds are you have. If you have kids then you know a little more than others. I was just thinking....When i started to tat I tatted every single minute of every single day... then slowly, very slowly i noticed that it has lessened quite a bit. Then that lead to what other things have i loved, that i did every day that i don't do anymore...a few things came to mind...knitting, games, sex, reading, socializing...just a few that pop to my head.

My person problem is i want to do everything at the very same time, right away. and once i have pretty much learned all the aspects of that thing then....out it goes. So i find myself sitting here on a Saturday yurning to tat something, but nothing comes to mind. yesterday i ordered some more tatting books.

UCK! had to go tend to my slow cooking. man oh man i hate shrimp. it just feels soooo wrong. so very wrong. this time i didn't have to do anything but rip off the poor shrimps tail. i can't believe that i got through that....ok back to our blog.

Books. i know that i will want to do a few patterns out of them... and plus a couple kid books for night time... not the books that i wanted.. well 1 book i wanted that i didn't get... Amelia bedelia. i love that bitch!..no but seriously. she is so funny, but i know that if i had to deal with her i would probably kill myself. but i got Where the Sidewalk Ends, and the little red hen. i think that they would love to listen to those. But i think that they would have fallen off their butts laughing at Amelia. Any one want to send me one? LOL. I also need to find another copy of green eggs and ham. I love Dr.Seuss so much. Any way....that's 4 tatting books for me, and 2 kid books for the kids...for $9.50! I think that is so awesome. i used my gift cards from SWAGBUCKS...then amazon free shipping with super saving....first time for everything.

Thursday i was watching Grey's Anatomy and it was the last seasons finale... boy it was so much more emotional the second time around...even though i knew what was going to happen. I love watching TV without any one around. I am free to really experience the show or movie. That's part of the reason i hate going to the movies. i can't experience the movie in front of everyone.

Boy this is pretty direction-less. I keep thinking about ripping off the tails. i still feel them in my fingers.

As you can tell i am feeling a lot less pitiful. That's because Monument had been having Anthony working... i feel so much better when he is gone... i know that sound messed up, but it happens. you start to miss someone, then all of a sudden they matter to you again... i love that feeling of people mattering. its a healthy pain. I can't wait for it.

Today I am doing 2 recipes in my slow cookers... thats right two. A large as hell 7 quart and a tiny 2.5 quart... see why i needed a larger one? totally justified. So i am making APPLE BUTTER and COUNTRY CAPTAIN CHICKEN
the chicken smells weird to me. Its not really food i eat normally...but i am trying to change my palette.
the apple butter is smelling awesome. although its competing with some strong smells. I had never tasted apple butter but Anthony bought some, i used it for sandwiches and that was the first day i did not have to tell any of them to eat their lunch...even Ana. she ate it all. I was so amazed. So I am trying to make some more.

b*tching and moaning

START OF A BITCHING SESSION. IT IS VERY RUDE AND Y'ALL ITS VERY BITCHY. VERY GRIPEPY

So the past couple of weeks have been nothing short of horrible. Just to start, my rental agreement needs to be signed....our manager is dragging her butt...not to mention she is so ridiculously power hungry and controlling, it amazes me.

Secondly... Anthony is YET again going through the I WANT phase. it is THE most irritating thing about him...every 5 months or so, he goes through a phase of want want want. Most common phrase...I don't want to do_____. Can I please get a hands up from people who HAVE to do things they don't WANT to, all the time? That's right everyone.! Every SINGLE person does things they don't want to do...I mean does he think i like cooking every meal, that i like cleaning, laundry, teaching the kids, discipline... but i still HAVE to do them...answer me this...what makes him so special.? why does he feel he should be able to get out of his small cleaning chore... and let me update you here with his job...he got one and they have yet to put him on something...except for once a week...one day a week....and he thinks that he doesn't have to do anything else all week...Which brings me to our fight...Friday. I had simply told him THREE days before to clean the desk. He is the ONLY one who uses it...any way... big fight...and then another week of him not doing stuff because he is also on a power trip...honest! he is a "security guard" and is getting i guess power drunk....which brings me to the fight again...i started cleaning the crap on the desk... which means tossing stuff...apparently cleaning is theft.? also shoving someone from you is called assault. NOW this is pretty funny to me because he is always complaining how police officers twist things to fit in the right crime...and yes. i have seen this. but this is ridiculous.

So thirdly. i found out yesterday that someone had called security on our apartment because of fighting...we hadn't fought since Friday afternoon... i don't know when they were called but it cracks me up...because if they were called Saturday night, they were called because i was crying with my show...Grays anatomy. and then if Sunday night, then the same thing... sad episodes. so now i am unable to cry in my apartment...hmm.

Fourth...Anavay is potty training...or should i say i am trying to potty train her. needless to say she sh*t herself and is now back in diapers. This was BY FAR the most littlest thing to happen but hurt me the most. Now she didn't mean to do it... but growing up, i watched my mom clean my brothers underwear because he pooed in them...till he was like...IDK. but old. It was so gross and bad. he got his own bathroom that he promptly f**ked up, all sorts of special treatment, not to mention the soul breaking of my mom. she got so many eye infections from that i think that she should have been blind ages ago. any way its that whole "not wanting to be your mom syndrome" all of my hate and resentment and everything wrapped in Ana's panties. It killed me. And on top of that...a gigantic cherry on top.

While i was trying to keep myself together and not to smack Ana for something that she couldn't help, the boys were opening the door. I can not count how many times i have told them not to open the door...it scared the holy hell out of me... so i left the bathroom to check on them and there they are standing at the door, its wide open. Some poor girl stuck in the wrong time. I spank them (because they most definitely needed that one.) go to the door to see if someone is actually there, poor girl. she must have been only 19 or 20...maybe even younger...i couldn't tell i was crying. she asked if something was wrong and i broke down... so weak. she couldn't do anything but stand there and witness a break down. she was just asking if i was going to this community thing...i feel real bad for her. she asks if i need a hug. i just keep crying. I also can't deny the hilarity of the situation either...i am wearing a faded gray shirt with a black and white striped skirt, my hair is so messed up and it smells and its Sacramento... so its like almost 90 degrees... so poo smell, heat, messed up hair, tears, oh and plus. I'm fat. so right now i am just kinda laughing at myself. i should have had better control of myself... i would like to think that, if Anthony hadn't been such a jerk, i wouldn't have been in such a crappy mood, Ana's poo wouldn't have bothered me, and i wouldn't have been standing in my doorway crying like a 4 year old forced to share his hot wheels.

And to top it off...Ana is sick again...which means I am the only one to take care of her. to comfort her...so i am going to get sick soon...i really hope not. but. that's usually the way it goes.

OK. i think that is everything...

nope sorry one more thing.

a couple days ago i get a message on myspace from my EX's ex- girlfriend. now to understand this dynamic, we travel 4 years in the past. i got with this really attractive young man. Calvin. he was funny, cute and very sweet and protective. our relationship didn't last for a couple reasons, his ex was calling me and threatening me constantly. she was truly upset that they weren't together anymore. so she was on a rampage. another reason was that he wanted someone who was helpless...that person was not me, i had a job, i was a strong woman with a strong sense of who i was...i ended up getting pregnant and he ended up cheating on me with the ex...awesome right? not. anyway i told myself and lived by it...i said "oh well...i hope they stay together, at least that way i know our relationship was worth the misery" I come to find out that they are no longer together...so pissed off. but at the same time laughing. so she had two boys by him and tells them that they have brothers elsewhere and messaged me to ask if they can have some sort of relationship..."cause they are brothers" is she meaning this... and then in her last message she was all like...oh i hope we can start over, hope you forgive me... and i ask myself...start what over? was she under the impression that we had a friendship? forgive? hadn't thought about them in years. water under the bridge. but if she thinks that i am going to be all happy, "yeah we're family" NOT a gigantic NOT. the thing that scared me the most is that she is hiding behind religion.
"I have changed...I go to church" I wonder if she realizes how truly UN this is. how many people have said this and gone back to their normal ways. i would rather cut myself than to deal with anyone who uses church as an excuse. Those people who are religious... sorry but there is a difference between y'all and those who use it as a cover. So that.

LATER I AM GOING TO POST A COUPLE PATTERNS I MADE. I DON'T KNOW IF ANYONE ELSE MADE THESE BEFORE BUT I LIKE THEM AND I WANTED TO SHARE THEM.