Thursday, September 16, 2010

b*tching and moaning


So the past couple of weeks have been nothing short of horrible. Just to start, my rental agreement needs to be signed....our manager is dragging her butt...not to mention she is so ridiculously power hungry and controlling, it amazes me.

Secondly... Anthony is YET again going through the I WANT phase. it is THE most irritating thing about him...every 5 months or so, he goes through a phase of want want want. Most common phrase...I don't want to do_____. Can I please get a hands up from people who HAVE to do things they don't WANT to, all the time? That's right everyone.! Every SINGLE person does things they don't want to do...I mean does he think i like cooking every meal, that i like cleaning, laundry, teaching the kids, discipline... but i still HAVE to do them...answer me this...what makes him so special.? why does he feel he should be able to get out of his small cleaning chore... and let me update you here with his job...he got one and they have yet to put him on something...except for once a day a week....and he thinks that he doesn't have to do anything else all week...Which brings me to our fight...Friday. I had simply told him THREE days before to clean the desk. He is the ONLY one who uses it...any way... big fight...and then another week of him not doing stuff because he is also on a power trip...honest! he is a "security guard" and is getting i guess power drunk....which brings me to the fight again...i started cleaning the crap on the desk... which means tossing stuff...apparently cleaning is theft.? also shoving someone from you is called assault. NOW this is pretty funny to me because he is always complaining how police officers twist things to fit in the right crime...and yes. i have seen this. but this is ridiculous.

So thirdly. i found out yesterday that someone had called security on our apartment because of fighting...we hadn't fought since Friday afternoon... i don't know when they were called but it cracks me up...because if they were called Saturday night, they were called because i was crying with my show...Grays anatomy. and then if Sunday night, then the same thing... sad episodes. so now i am unable to cry in my apartment...hmm.

Fourth...Anavay is potty training...or should i say i am trying to potty train her. needless to say she sh*t herself and is now back in diapers. This was BY FAR the most littlest thing to happen but hurt me the most. Now she didn't mean to do it... but growing up, i watched my mom clean my brothers underwear because he pooed in them...till he was like...IDK. but old. It was so gross and bad. he got his own bathroom that he promptly f**ked up, all sorts of special treatment, not to mention the soul breaking of my mom. she got so many eye infections from that i think that she should have been blind ages ago. any way its that whole "not wanting to be your mom syndrome" all of my hate and resentment and everything wrapped in Ana's panties. It killed me. And on top of that...a gigantic cherry on top.

While i was trying to keep myself together and not to smack Ana for something that she couldn't help, the boys were opening the door. I can not count how many times i have told them not to open the scared the holy hell out of me... so i left the bathroom to check on them and there they are standing at the door, its wide open. Some poor girl stuck in the wrong time. I spank them (because they most definitely needed that one.) go to the door to see if someone is actually there, poor girl. she must have been only 19 or 20...maybe even younger...i couldn't tell i was crying. she asked if something was wrong and i broke down... so weak. she couldn't do anything but stand there and witness a break down. she was just asking if i was going to this community thing...i feel real bad for her. she asks if i need a hug. i just keep crying. I also can't deny the hilarity of the situation either...i am wearing a faded gray shirt with a black and white striped skirt, my hair is so messed up and it smells and its Sacramento... so its like almost 90 degrees... so poo smell, heat, messed up hair, tears, oh and plus. I'm fat. so right now i am just kinda laughing at myself. i should have had better control of myself... i would like to think that, if Anthony hadn't been such a jerk, i wouldn't have been in such a crappy mood, Ana's poo wouldn't have bothered me, and i wouldn't have been standing in my doorway crying like a 4 year old forced to share his hot wheels.

And to top it off...Ana is sick again...which means I am the only one to take care of her. to comfort i am going to get sick soon...i really hope not. but. that's usually the way it goes.

OK. i think that is everything...

nope sorry one more thing.

a couple days ago i get a message on myspace from my EX's ex- girlfriend. now to understand this dynamic, we travel 4 years in the past. i got with this really attractive young man. Calvin. he was funny, cute and very sweet and protective. our relationship didn't last for a couple reasons, his ex was calling me and threatening me constantly. she was truly upset that they weren't together anymore. so she was on a rampage. another reason was that he wanted someone who was helpless...that person was not me, i had a job, i was a strong woman with a strong sense of who i was...i ended up getting pregnant and he ended up cheating on me with the ex...awesome right? not. anyway i told myself and lived by it...i said "oh well...i hope they stay together, at least that way i know our relationship was worth the misery" I come to find out that they are no longer pissed off. but at the same time laughing. so she had two boys by him and tells them that they have brothers elsewhere and messaged me to ask if they can have some sort of relationship..."cause they are brothers" is she meaning this... and then in her last message she was all like...oh i hope we can start over, hope you forgive me... and i ask myself...start what over? was she under the impression that we had a friendship? forgive? hadn't thought about them in years. water under the bridge. but if she thinks that i am going to be all happy, "yeah we're family" NOT a gigantic NOT. the thing that scared me the most is that she is hiding behind religion.
"I have changed...I go to church" I wonder if she realizes how truly UN this is. how many people have said this and gone back to their normal ways. i would rather cut myself than to deal with anyone who uses church as an excuse. Those people who are religious... sorry but there is a difference between y'all and those who use it as a cover. So that.