I don't know. I have issues. so i have been reading this wonderful blog all night last night and I don't know. this woman makes me want to loose weight but i am just so...it just sucks. i kinda want the weight loss surgery but i would fell better about... i don't know dieting. partially because i know i have no way to go to all these appointments, the doctors wouldn't allow me to be the size i want and well it just kinda creeps me out. I guess tonight I'm going to try to chew my food to mush. maybe I'll get full. oh well anyways the surgery wouldn't help any way because I'm a person who only eats like once a day. and if i do that then i would die with the surgery. It sucks because i think...hmm. i have going outside. walking around... not good for me. Its just weird. i just like being inside my apartment knowing everything is going to be constant. just knowing i guess.

But for right now my boys are gone and should be back in a few minutes. they took a long walk to the 99 cent only store. now those boys love being outside and i try to indulge them as much as i can possibly stand. I know i don't like going outside but i do it so hopefully my kids wont be like me. its so hard!!! i don't like other kids and i know that sounds so mean and wrong but these kids are outrageous! how dare they lay hands on my babies. i want to lay my hand on them. I feel bad because my kids are little wrestlers (with each other) and I'm afraid that one day that will kick in and they will start hurting the other kids...and the attitudes...geez. Only child syndrome. man. i hate that the most.

It is so miserable in Sacramento right now. its the uncomfortable time between spring and summer. I cant wait for the weather to make up its mind. I feel like I'm losing my, mind that is. sometimes i hear things. sometimes i cant put words together. sometimes i forget large chunks of time. to tell you the truth... I'm kinda scared. I mean this stuff shouldn't happen for at least another 20+ years.I think i hear them so I'm off!